CREATING YOUR SEDUCER IDENTITY

Every meeting will eventually lead to what you do. While this is more important than looks, it isn't the be-all that we sometimes think it is (and that the flakier ladies believe). Tell the story of you in an interesting way, and any occupation can be just fine.

Who Are You?

'So what do you do?'

Ah, here we go again. It might be a minute, it might be ten, but it usually doesn't take very long to get 'round to the question. What do you do?

Or, at it's heart, 'Who are you?'

Joke Around It

Now, to this one, I rarely give a straight first answer. Why? A number of reasons.

First, a straight answer is most of the time... boring. VERY boring. It's also what she's used to hearing, so if you just blurt out your true profession at BEST you're much like all the other guys and she gets just a little more numb around you.

Second, it creates a bit of intrigue. She'll start asking herself all sorts of questions - like 'That can't be a real job. Why did he say it? What IS his real job? Is he embarrassed of it, or is it a secret? Or is it a secret from ME? Or is he just playing around, being fun?'

It's ALWAYS good to get a woman's head spinning like that - even if some of the questions COULD have negative answers. Why? Because the more she's questioning, the more she's thinking about you - and not some other guy. Any time you get a lady pondering you, you're infecting her brain (in a good way).

Also, when she eventually gets a 'real' answer which is positive - instead of any of the negatives she had considered (Does he clean toilets at McDonald's?) - you appear hyper-confident.

Again, huh?

You're so confident, that you don't CARE if she thinks you're something less than you are. You're not trying to impress her - you're just enjoying your time. And there's very little downside because she WILL eventually find out what you do.

Finally, for me, this method helps eliminate truly shallow gold diggers. If they aren't interested in humor or banter or anything but my income level and hierarchical status, then I know to stay away. Those kinds of women do NOT turn me on.

So to begin with, play around a bit. Make it silly and fun. Some classic one liners are things like "Calvin Klein underwear model" to "orgasmologist" to "I invented gnomes." Or "You know the dog on Frasier? I'm his wardrobe designer."

Have fun here. Play a lot, and see how much the woman you're talking to is willing to play as well (that's right, test HER out instead of just acquiescing to her testing you). Create a dialogue around this.

You WILL have to answer sometime

However, the 'What do you do?' question is not one people can let go of. Play, yes, maybe even a couple different answers, but don't run the joke into the ground. This is one thing EVERYONE just needs to know - it's part of the pigeonholing process, and probably the biggest puzzle piece. People just can't leave this one alone. If you refuse to ever give a straight answer, you'll go from playful to annoying.

So what's a good answer, then?

Different women, different jobs

Well, that entirely depends on what kind of woman you like. A model? She'll dig rock stars, but businessmen, not so much.

Strippers will go for those involved in the party scene, while artists gravitate to creative types.

If you want to know how to answer, you need to know what kind of woman you want to attract.

Now don't get confused - I'm not telling you to lie about what you do. HOWEVER, you certainly can describe it in different ways, depending what type of lady you like. You want it to be MOST attractive to THAT type. Simple, really.

Make your work concrete

Another important thing - and a way to get even the miscast type interested - is to have some sort of tangible accomplishment.

Now this doesn't mean you need a Grammy. Not that that's an accomplishment.

But, if you write, then write a book. You don't need to have it on you, but you can let her know.

If you're a sound technician, have a demo CD.

Whatever you do, these days web pages are so cheap and easy, NO ONE should be without one.

Successful men accomplish things, no matter what their field. So instead of merely telling what you do, if you can SHOW it (or at least have that possibility), it's automatically more impressive.

Turn it around, and expand your space

Another favorite technique of mine is, once I'm getting serious about answering, is turning the question around by asking 'For money or for love?'

This is great. Now YOU are testing HER values. Complete reversal. In addition, you instantly killing the two-dimensional pigeonhole effect - you are obviously more than your job.

Not to mention, you've created a seed for your next conversation.

Story time

Another way to avoid the pigeonhole is to avoid the simple one word answer.

Reply with a story. 'You know, when I was young I always thought... and now....'

In general, you don't want to talk much about yourself, but here's the perfect time for an exception. You haven't been dying to brag or trying to show off, but she's insisted... and you want to make your answer interesting.

So think about how you got into your profession - and think about the other great things you've done that've brought you there, or interesting moments from work. Or make it eminently apparent that you have a different passion AND plan, you don't want to write marketing jingles the rest of your life.

Again, most women aren't going to care about WHAT you do as much as HOW you do it. And how you talk about it.

Sound familiar?

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