THE MAGIC OF RELAXED CONFIDENCE

What’s the key to a woman’s heart? Well, this may seems shocking, but - you’ve gotta go in through the heart. So many guys try to deal with this issue logically, but that just doesn’t work. You need to go at it emotionally. All you need to know is, how do you hook her emotionally?

The Double Life

Have you ever asked a woman what she wants in a man?

Either out of curiosity, or frustration, or ambition or whatever, ever try to delve into the mind of a girl you know?

Well, if you haven’t, I have, and here’s what I usually think about the response:

This is one delusional chick.

Seriously, I listen to what they say, and then I look at who they date or sleep with, who they reject… and it just DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

They say they want someone sensitive - but shy away from the guy crying in the theater and towards the one making sarcastic remarks in the back.

They say they want a generous good heart - but always seem busy when the soup-kitchen volunteer calls, while the asshole who expects them to drop everything at his convenience ends up with booty call privileges.

As a budding hornball, this dichotomy played on my mind. A LOT. I’m not unusual in this regard - most of my friends considered bitching about the jerks who got the babes a favorite pastime.But what perhaps IS unusual is I never STOPPED thinking about it. The fact that it made no sense - yet held the key to success with women - turned it into an open sore, a loose tooth I couldn’t stop tongueing.

Until one day, the tooth came out. And lo, I looked at in my hand, and it was good.

Appeal to the heart, not the head

It’s very simple, really; LOGIC HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ATTRACTION.

You ask a woman what she wants, you engage her brain.

But to HOOK a woman and create attraction, you need to engage her EMOTIONS.

That’s why most women give inaccurate descriptions of what they want; unless they’re VERY self-aware, you’re having a conversation with the wrong half of the girl.

Once I figured this out, I realized I just had to figure out what the EMOTIONAL side of women is attracted to.

Well, maybe not “just.” But once you have that initial ah-ha, the rest is fairly easy. Just take a look at what successful guys uniformly do.

The way into the heart

And what’s the biggest key? Confidence. Every master has it. The style it comes out in will vary - and we’ll talk more about what I think works best - but you’ve GOT to have that confidence before all else.

Why does that work? Millenia of evolution - and remember, it wasn’t that long ago that a woman - weakened with pregnancy or nursing - would need a strong man to kill that saber tooth. Or whatever. Protection of the hearth was a major major function of man.

And as - in the old days much more than now - strength meant social status and success (ever notice how most kings were rumored to be like 6’6” when most men were 5’2”?), that strength would go along with confidence.

Plus, confidence tends to reduce those pesky jitters which get in the way during an emergency situation.

While you may not have to keep many grizzlies away from your kiddies these days, can you think of any other situation which reduces most guys to jello?

How ‘bout approaching attractive women?

And what’s the usual reaction if a guy is suppressing the urge to vomit?

Yep. Confidence is pretty damn important.

But since confidence with women is more complex than confidence in other areas of life for most guys, there are a couple things you can do to help yourself along.

NEXT

First, that key we talk about so often… NEXT. If you’re confident with women, you aren’t too worried about any particular one. If things don’t work with HER, they’ll surely work with another lady not far in the future. This attitude OOZES confidence - thus making it MUCH more likely the first lady will want to get to know you better, find out why you’re so sure you’ll have a lady on your arm so easily.

On the same path, YOU don’t need HER approval. You don’t need to bed her to impress your friends, or pump up your esteem… in fact, you don’t need approval from ANYONE, at all. If you internalize this, she’ll feel it - and feel more purity in your interest in her (especially combined with the ‘next’ attitude).

At the same time, tho, you don’t need to ACT interested. In fact, you can act DISINTERESTED. In fact, you should. This goes along with not NEEDING anything from her or others, but being a self-contained healthy individual. Most guys are instantly trying to impress her - by making her EARN your attention, you separate yourself from all these other fakes, and greatly pump up both your perceived confidence and your sincerity.

And hence your attractiveness.

Why? Mostly because you can’t respect someone who’s kissing your ass - and fake interest based on a nice ass translates to kissing it. Which means no respect from her, because it ALSO says you’ve got no respect for yourself.

True Confidence

Of course, most important is not these little things, but to get rid of your own insecurities and just get yourself comfortable in your own skin. Live in your own movie. Let reality bend to your expectations and will, instead of always trying to accommodate events thrown at you.

Now, while confidence is the most important ingredient, there are a few others characteristics that it works well to temper it with.

Confident Flavors

First, confidence is best when RELAXED. Sure, you can be intense and occasionally have that deep instantaneous connection, but you’ll also wind up scaring a lot of women away.

Relaxed, on the other hand, is a very open and inviting stance. It reinforces the note of confidence as well - you stress when you worry, you relax when you believe things will work out. That belief is just a kind of definition of confidence.

Finally, you’ve GOT to be playful. A confident guy can still be boring, and boring is one of the worst sins you can commit. Playful, though, reinforces the relaxed confident aura, while also keeping HER loose and feeling good and happy.

It creates the perfect frame for having fun. And if you’re the relaxed confident man, you’ve created the perfect dude to fill that frame.

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