HONING IN YOUR RELAXED PLAYFULNESS

Alright, so now you are mad confident, you walk the walk, you talk the talk (a bit), and you are ready to be a lady killer, right?

Not so fast bud.

Relaxed confidence will get you far - farther than anything else I'm going to teach you - but if you want to REALLY make it work, you need to refine it.

Think of hunting. Going out exuding relaxed confidence is like spraying the field with buck shot. Sure, you'll hit a lot of targets - it sure beats a slingshot - and you might even bring some down, but it's not the most effective method.

You want a sniper rifle. You want to focus your efforts to a high degree, and take careful aim.

You want to focus your relaxed confidence to make it more powerful.

What do I mean? I don't mean you want to focus yourself on one woman - early on, that's extremely counter-productive - but I mean you should present your relaxed confidence in the most attractive, powerful way there is.

Playful.

You don't only want a woman's respect, you want her having fun.

You don't only want admiration, you want magnetism.

You shouldn't stop at being a powerful figure, you need to be an ATTRACTIVE one.

And being playful does all this.

Remember when we talked about how you CAN'T be boring? How you need to create a relaxed fun atmosphere that fosters trust and intimacy?

That's what we're talking about now. If you can get a woman laughing while she's relaxed and comfortable with you - AND admiring your manly confidence - then you create that magical formula. You trigger her ATTRACTION and make an atmosphere where she's willing to act on it.

Ok, let's get to the good stuff. How do you create this great atmosphere?

This may be surprisingly easy. In fact, you probably do this all the time.

Think about it: how often do you rag on your friends? How often do you press their buttons, or just share laughs about funny or strange stuff?

Uh huh, I thought so. All the freaking time.

Well, that's all you've gotta do. Most guys, when they find an attractive woman, they turn into vanilla inoffensive blah men who just hope they won't say the wrong thing.

Guess what? THAT is exactly the wrong thing. You may think you're being nice, but women will sniff your abnormal behavior a mile away. To them, it FEELS like a lie. It feels like you're just interested in getting in her pants. You've started to chase her - so you shouldn't be surprised when she starts to run away.

Treat her like one of the fellas, and you'll avoid that whole creepy pick-up feel. You won't activate her defenses, and you'll foster comfort.

From there, you need to be fun.

TEASE. This is HUGE. It shows you aren't intimidated by her, and it keeps your conversation light and playful. You might even get her taking the half-truth theory of comedy to heart, and trying to impress you.

Don't show her too much attention, either. If you're in a group, feel free to ignore her now and again. She might try to spark your attention by flirting with other guys.

LET her. You KNOW that it's you she's after, and she's just trying to get a rise out of you. Don't give it to her. In fact, tease her about THAT. "Wow, you're so in love and intimidated by me, the only way you can communicate is by trying to make me jealous? You know, that would work... if I was in middle school."

Have FUN with it. In fact, that's what makes this so easy - you will know immediately whether you're on the right track or not by how much fun YOU are having. If you're feeling stress, it's not working. If you're having a laugh, things are good.

It takes a little time to make this work - most men feel nervous when talking to an attractive woman. Practice relaxing. Create an anchor.

An anchor? When you are doing your relaxation exercises clearing your mind, do something with your body, a trigger. Click your tongue, or run it over your teeth. Wiggle your pinky three times. Whatever, just link it to that relaxed feeling.

Right before you approach a woman close your eyes and make the same motion. Trigger that relaxation in yourself like a Pavlovian dog salivating at a bell. It's incredibly silly and works incredibly well.

Then, just let yourself have fun.

If you don't think of yourself as a naturally funny person, believe it or not, you can learn humor. The biggest thing is pointing out absurdities. Teasing. TEASING. Don't be mean, but don't be shy either. If she asks you to do something, say to her friends (PLAYFULLY) "Is she always this pushy? Man, how do you put up with her?" If her dancing is atrocious, say (SARCASTICALLY) "I see we have a new Lord of the Dance!" When she asks for your number, say "Boy, you work fast. I barely know you! Let me guess, you're just looking for fresh body to stalk and it doesn't even matter who I am. Well, I am more than just a body! I am a complex combination of experiences, emotions, and thoughts...here, don't call before 6 pm, I need my beauty sleep."

That's not so hard, is it? Ok, time to get to work. Think of all the situations where you might meet women, and make a page in your journal for each. What do you find there? Crazy clothes and dancing for clubs, food and money for supermarkets, art for museums... you get the idea.

Next, come up with funny remarks for each subject. (Those times you thought of the perfect thing to say after the fact? It works better before.) Try them out (natch). Refine and perfect them. Make notes of anything you come up with on the fly, or things you hear others say that work.

Make a special section just for teasing women. You might make some mistakes and go too deep too fast from time to time, turning a woman off (although you can recover from this if you keep your head and follow up with something funny). Make plenty of notes about what works, and what sort of things can get you out of a hole.

We'll go more in depth with the topic of conversation later, but for now it's enough that you indoctrinate yourself into the playful attitude. Fool around with it, and make sure you keep it as play. If you're sweating over this, take a break and work on other areas. You need to be relaxed for this to work (or else you run the risk of coming off as a colossal prick), and if you aren't, then come back to it later when you are more comfortable.

Combined with relaxed confidence, a relaxed playfulness is the best attitude you can have, and creates the best atmosphere possible.

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